From “We’ll Talk Later” to “Let’s Talk Now”: Navigating Estate Planning with Parents
- Colin McMichen
- May 17
- 6 min read
Starting a conversation with your parents about estate planning is not easy—but it is one of the most important talks you will ever have. Wills, trusts, powers of attorney, and healthcare directives can be uncomfortable topics, but addressing them now can prevent heartache, confusion, and legal trouble later.
This guide walks you through how to approach this discussion, what to cover, and how to navigate it with empathy, especially within the context of Alabama and Florida law. Whether you are helping your parents plan for the future, avoid probate, or simply maintain control of their decisions, these steps will help you start the conversation the right way—and keep it peaceful.
Why Estate Planning is Essential—Especially in Alabama and Florida
Estate planning is not just about who inherits what—it is about ensuring your parents’ wishes are respected in every area of life. Key decisions include:
Who will manage finances if they cannot
Who will make healthcare decisions in a crisis
What happens to property, heirlooms, or personal belongings
How to minimize or avoid probate
How to maintain privacy
Who will care for minor children or pets
If a person dies without a will (called "intestate"), state laws decide how their assets are divided. In Alabama, this is governed by Alabama Code Title 43, Chapter 8, Article 3. In Florida, Chapter 732 of the Florida Statutes applies.
These laws may not reflect your parents' intentions, which could lead to disputes or unwanted outcomes—like property going to relatives they would not have chosen, or court battles between family members.
Having a plan allows them to specify how their assets will be distributed. At a minimum, your parents should consider:
A Last Will and Testament
A Durable Power of Attorney
An Advance Directive for Health Care
A Revocable Living Trust, if applicable
Step 1: Pick the Right Moment
Do not bring up estate planning during a family dinner or a holiday celebration. Choose a calm, private time when your parents can focus and feel comfortable.
Let them decide who should be part of the conversation—siblings, close relatives, or even trusted friends. Including people they trust can reduce tension and prevent miscommunication later. Their comfort matters.
Ideal Times to Start the Conversation:
After a discussion about retirement or aging
Following the death of a friend or family member
During a quiet weekend or one-on-one visit
What to Say:
"I want to make sure we understand what matters to you, so we can help carry out your wishes—rather than guess in a tough moment."
Step 2: Share Your Own Experience
If you have created your own estate plan, that is a great way to ease into the conversation.
Letting your parents know you have taken steps for your own future shows this is about planning—not pressure.
What to Say:
"I just finished my will and power of attorney paperwork. It made me realize how important it is for all of us to make sure our wishes are written down. I thought you might want that peace of mind, too."
Step 3: Ask Questions—Do Not Make Demands
Your parents may resist being told what to do—especially by their children. Instead of saying, “You need a will,” try asking:
“Would you feel better knowing your wishes were written down?”
“If something happened to you, who would you want to make medical and financial decisions?”
“Are there certain items you want to make sure go to specific people?”
Questions like these encourage collaboration and keep the focus on their choices rather than your concerns. Make it clear that you respect and will support their decisions.
Step 4: Talk About Goals, Not Just Legal Forms
Estate planning often feels overwhelming because people associate it with complex legal documents. Reframe the discussion around goals:
Making sure their wishes are honored
Preventing family conflict
Avoiding court involvement
Protecting their privacy
Preparing for unexpected illness or incapacity
Maintaining their dignity
Without a plan, a court could appoint a guardian or conservator if your parents become incapacitated—a stressful and costly process that is easily avoided with the right documents.
What to Say:
“If you tell me what matters most to you, I can help gather information and find an attorney you are comfortable with.”
Step 5: Explain What Happens Without a Plan
Sometimes, understanding the consequences of inaction is enough to inspire change. If someone passes away without a will, and it is necessary for their family members to go through the probate process:
A probate court appoints a personal representative
Assets are distributed according to state laws
Spouses may not automatically receive everything
Children may need court-appointed guardians
The process can drag on for months—or longer
Help your parents see that a clear estate plan protects their wishes and simplifies the process for everyone involved.
What to Say:
“I want to help you understand what probate looks like, so you can make informed decisions while there is still time.”
Step 6: Address Powers of Attorney and Healthcare Directives
Estate planning is not just about death—it is also about protecting your parents while they are still living. In both Alabama and Florida, your parents can sign:
A Durable Power of Attorney, which allows someone to manage their finances
An Advance Directive for Health Care, which includes a living will and a medical power of attorney
These documents are critical if your parents become unable to make decisions on their own. Without them, you may need to go to court to act on their behalf.
What to Say:
“These forms let you stay in control, even if you are unable to speak for yourself. You get to choose who steps in—and how they make decisions.”
Step 7: Encourage a Meeting with an Estate Planning Attorney
An attorney can help your parents understand their options and create documents tailored to their specific wishes. Hiring an attorney also removes pressure from you and ensures they are hearing neutral, professional advice.
Make it clear that:
They choose the attorney
The attorney represents them, not you
You will help with research if they would like—but they are in control
An attorney can also help with:
Updating outdated wills (especially if created in another state)
Creating trusts to avoid probate and maintain privacy
Planning for blended families or special needs
Ensuring property titles are correctly prepared
What to Say:
“You will choose the attorney who is right for you, and they will answer all your questions. I am just here to support you through the process.”
Step 8: Help Organize—But Do Not Take Over
Offer to assist with organizing important documents and accounts:
Insurance policies
Bank, investment, and retirement accounts
Real estate deeds and vehicle titles
Digital accounts and passwords
Funeral or burial preferences
Be a support system—not the decision-maker. Tools like our Family Blueprint can help structure the process without overstepping boundaries.
What to Say:
“With your permission, I would like to help organize your records so I can support you better in an emergency.”
Step 9: Be Patient and Open to Ongoing Conversations
Your parents may not be ready to act immediately. Estate planning can bring up fears, memories, and strong emotions. It may take a few conversations over time.
Respect their pace. Keep the lines of communication open. Show them that you are coming from a place of care and support.
What to Say:
“You are in control. I am here when you are ready, and I will help however I can.”
Step 10: Keep the Plan Updated
Estate plans should be reviewed every few years—or after major life events, such as:
Birth of a grandchild
Divorce or remarriage
Health changes
Sale or inheritance of property
Encourage your parents to review their beneficiary designations regularly. Accounts like retirement plans or life insurance pass directly to beneficiaries—regardless of what a will says—so it is important those designations reflect their current wishes.
What to Say:
“Would it be helpful to look over your estate plan and your beneficiary designations together, just to make sure everything still reflects your wishes?”
Final Thoughts: Start the Conversation Before it is Too Late
Estate planning gives your parents control over their future and brings peace of mind to the whole family. It is one of the most thoughtful, protective steps they can take—and it is never too early to begin.
As a Birmingham estate planning law firm, we have seen the difference between families who plan ahead and those who do not. A few conversations now can save everyone from confusion and conflict later.
Approach this talk with love, patience, and a genuine desire to help—not control. Let your parents know that your only goal is to make sure their wishes are honored, exactly the way they want.
Your Next Step
As you and your parents move forward with your estate planning, we invite you to contact our team at Provident Law / Estate Planning LLC. We are committed to making estate planning easy and will guide you through the process, ensuring your plan is tailored to your unique needs and goals. Whether you are creating a will, establishing a trust, planning for incapacity, or reviewing existing documents, we are here to provide the personalized guidance you need. Reach out today to schedule a consultation and take the next step to give your family peace of mind.
About the Author
Colin McMichen is an experienced attorney and the founder of Provident Law / Estate Planning LLC, a Birmingham, Alabama based firm. With a focus on estate planning and probate law, Colin is dedicated to helping individuals and families make estate planning easy.